Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
