things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
