i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my liver is dry heaving
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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