I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
