I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
