dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
