she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize