i may or may not be watching the land before time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
