i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
