Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
