Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
