So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
