She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
