whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
