I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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