i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
