so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize