Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize