I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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