Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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