Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
