I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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