Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
