your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My sheets look like a crime scene.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
