I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
