My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
