Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
