I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
