they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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