Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
