Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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