i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
