I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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