Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
