He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
