I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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