I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
