ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
