I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
