I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
