whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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