no, he came in my armpit
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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