Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
