mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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