So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
