I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize