walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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