I CAN MOONWALK!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
