i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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