nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
