And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
