and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
