I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
