Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
