We're facebook friends in real life
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
