Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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