Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
