Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
