i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
