im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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