yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
