So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
