I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize