I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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