I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sober January is a disaster.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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