well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
