You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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