Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
