Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize