I looked at my own cervix.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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