so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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