she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
