Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I would fuck him just for his dog
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize