you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
