my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
