my phone cant type all the emotion im having
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
