so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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