Farmville is her only friend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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