I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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