therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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