somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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