PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
