weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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