I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think people are normalizing furries
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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