ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
God, I missed his penis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
