Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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