So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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