Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
