you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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