Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
