could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
