Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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