so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Too much gin, very little bucket
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
