bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A bitchslap is in order.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
