just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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