I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
