I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
