You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
