whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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