I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
