When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
