8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
