i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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