Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
